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50. Relationships are Everything!
Haven’t we already covered this? Well, yeah, as it relates to students. Students are who you work for. Students are the reason you are even here. But there are other teachers in the same building, doing the same job, some of whom are wonderfully personable and helpful, and some of whom….well …frankly they are scary. My very first week of preplanning, I opened the door to my new classroom to find all of the filing cabinets for the entire school sitting in my room. The school had undergone renovation that summer so I had to drag furniture for my classroom from all over the building. I pulled one filing cabinet to the side and put the others in the hallway so teachers could easily find the filing cabinets they needed. An hour later, a VERY seasoned teacher came by my classroom and without introducing herself, informed me that the filing cabinet that I had claimed of the hundred or so in my classroom, was actually hers, and she would fight me for it. As a wide eyed newbie, I told her she could have it. There was no name on the cabinet so I mistakenly thought they were all created equal but apparently I was wrong. Five years later when I transferred to another school, I was still scared of that teacher. And thirty five years later, I still remember that learning experience.
Over my career, I have known hundreds of teachers. Some of them were spectacular, some of them were lazy, some of them were extremely professional, some of them were kind and compassionate, some of them were mean-spirited, some of them I could not trust, some of them were competitive, some of them were emotional messes, but I had to work with all of them. That is a tall order. You will have to work with some people you don’t like, some people who don’t appreciate the way you do things, some people who, if they were not your co-worker, would definitely not be your friend. I am a baker and my special gift is sharing some of the things I bake with colleagues when I have extra. Many of my colleagues loved me for it. One that I recall specifically, would throw the cake into MY trash can to send a message to me that she didn’t want anything I had to offer. She occupied the classroom next door. She didn’t like me. She was not going to like me. If I was coming down the hall and she saw me, she would quickly step inside another classroom just to keep from having to pass me!? Yes, I still had to work with her. I didn’t particularly enjoy it when we were on the same committee but I learned that I could do it. Go ahead and plan how you intend to deal with a person that scares you or intimidates you or just does not appreciate you at all. They will be there.
It is time for some self evaluation. What kind of teacher will you be? Will you share your resources with others or guard your ideas as if teaching is a competition? Will you be the teacher who volunteers to host pre-service teachers to help teach them what you already know? Will you be the one who resents the teacher on your grade level because she had a better Valentine’s activity than you did? Will you spend time in the teacher workroom on tasks not related to your classroom? How will you handle the teacher on your grade level who seems to be happiest whenever she’s complaining? How will you interact with the teacher you don’t particularly like?
I have known some really spectacular teachers whom kids and parents adore. Everyone wanted to be in her class. She sounds perfectly successful, right? Actually, her only downfall is that she doesn’t work well with other teachers. She assumes that since she is so successful, everyone else must want her blueprint, so she naturally bosses her grade level. But if something is not her idea, she does not typically embrace it. What principal wouldn’t want to have a fabulously successful teacher on her staff? One who values teamwork. Mrs. Fabulously Successful would be perfect for a one room schoolhouse, which are currently out of vogue. I don’t know a single leader who doesn’t value teamwork. Teaching is a team sport. If you are Mrs. Fabulously Successful you are a great asset to the team if you share and help others who are developing their practice. We are all segregated into rooms with different groups of children but there is an expectation that we will be able to contribute to a grade level, a school, and a district by collaborating with other professionals. It is easy for you to gravitate toward a teacher with whom you have a lot in common. It is work to connect with a teacher with a prickly attitude or a bossy demeanor, even if she is an excellent teacher. In addition to the ability to work well with your grade level and across teams, the principal needs you to be able to work with all personalities; those you appreciate, as well as those you don’t. Some grade levels pride themselves on bonding so much that they will plan dinners out together or parties, or even road trips. Don’t let the difficult teacher prevent you from attending. Be part of the group. Work well together. You don’t have to be a girlfriend. You have to be a colleague.
Sometimes you will be asked to do something you don’t particularly want to do. Don’t analyze it. Just do it if it is the right thing to do. I remember an experience when I had a baby at home who was sick. The babysitter called to tell me he needed to go to the pediatrician. It was the end of the day so classes were dismissed but I needed someone to cover my carpool duty. I anxiously asked a coworker if she could cover my duty for me and her response was, “I would, but I have finished my duty rotations for the year and there is no time that you could pay me back. Go ask Mrs…….” I don’t remember much after that but twenty years later, I remember needing a colleague to help me and being smacked in the face with the value of my crisis as it related to her convenience. Teachers routinely swap duty posts when they have something unexpected to come up but it never occurred to me not to help out a colleague who needed me if she could not repay me in kind. I can guarantee you will not reach teacher retirement without having a handful of crises that could be solved by a colleague. Seize every opportunity to pay kindness and professionalism ahead.
Whether you are the teacher who has always dreamed of growing up to be just like your favorite fourth grade teacher or you intend to be the teacher you never had, make no mistake, your job is critically important to our future. Classrooms, children and cultural issues are more challenging now than ever before in history. This job is not for wimps. The challenges are great and the rewards are often delayed. You are not going to get rich being a teacher, but your investment in children will pay tremendous dividends in the future. From where I stand, I can think of a lot of things I could have been, but none are as fulfilling as learning alongside children. The days are long but the years are short.
Yes, relationships are everything. Relationships with parents, co-teachers, students, lunchroom staff, custodians, the school nurse…. Everyone ! I encourage you to pay if forward every chance you get. I guarantee you that you will not regret it.
A few months ago our sweet neighbor shared part of the Sunday message at her church. It was on relationships. The preacher shared his thoughts about how garages and carports were affecting many neighborhood relationships, because when you drive up into your garage, and close the door, oftentimes you are in for the day.
That does not happen in my neighborhood because we don’t have garages and carports. We know the comings and goings of each other and watch out for each other. We share greetings, stories or just a friendly wave to each other daily. As I have thought about that, I realized how much I have taken for granted living here for the past 44 years and how important my relationships are with my neighbors.
Look for ways to make those connections in your building. You’ll be glad you did.💗
Pamela Webster, M. Ed., SPED
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49. Don’t Judge the Environment from which these children come.
My very first placement was in a school affected by poverty. I accepted the challenge because I have compassion and I thought that was the magic ingredient to serving children who experienced food insecurity, high mobility, and low income. I have always been grateful that our government provides for women with children in the way of welfare, free lunch, and public housing. In my first five years as a teacher, I only had a handful of children who paid a reduced price for breakfast or lunch. All of the others ate for free. I am ashamed to admit that I experienced frustration that children who couldn’t pay for lunch, could pay for ice cream. I had an epiphany when someone in a graduate school class shared out loud that she experienced the same frustration. The very wise professor quipped, “Don’t you think poor children like ice cream too?” He made it very clear that anybody who experienced that frustration was viewing the situation from a middle-class lens. He also laid out very clearly that ice cream is a treat for everyone, of every race, and every socioeconomic background. He said that the dollar that a more privileged child spends for that ice cream represents much less of a sacrifice out of the household budget than the same dollar that the poor child spent. Poor parents have the same desire to give their children a treat as wealthy parents. I was never so glad that I didn’t admit to that out loud but I still have that lesson burned into my shema.
I will always remember the day I learned from a group of children sitting at my lunch table about the “put-out” man. Now I was college educated but I did not know who the put-out man was or that there was a certain protocol associated with his appearance. The put-out man comes to your house while everyone is gone and hauls all of your furniture, electronics, clothes, and household goods onto the lawn when a family is being evicted. But I had children explaining it to me as if it was as common as visits from the mailman. If you don’t know, this is the protocol. If you are in third grade and you get off the bus and you see everything your family owns on the lawn, you and your siblings are to run as fast as you can to the pile and cover it with blankets and sheets. Then you all sit on the mountain and wait until your mama gets home and she will figure it out. If you don’t cover the stuff up and sit on top of it, all of the other people in the neighborhood will pilfer through your property and take whatever they want. “There are different rules if the people who want to go through your things are bigger or older. There is a whole new set of rules for the days that follow while you move around from house to house, with only the things you can carry, until your mama can find another place to live. By the time that happens, usually all of your stuff is gone and you have to get everything all over again.
I am also ashamed that I have had my fair share of frustration when children were not clean or wearing clothes that fit. I mean, no matter how poor you are, you can at least be clean, right? Not if you don’t have any water at home. Listen for children to tell you how they take milk jugs to the park and fill them up with water every afternoon. Chances are, they have no running water at home, which means no washing clothes, brushing teeth, bathing, cooking or cleaning. I had a second grade little boy who came to school wearing a man’s size 32 pants, cinched up with a really long belt that wrapped around his tiny waist two and a half times. The pants were rolled up six or eight times to get them short enough so that he wouldn’t step on them. I knew he had no mother in his life and a very young father was raising him. I made a home visit because I was worried about the child’s welfare. It was late fall and the weather was cold but when I finally met up with the father, he was wearing athletic shorts, work boots and a t-shirt in cold weather. It was then I realized that when the father put his khaki pants on the boy, he was giving him his own adequate clothing.
Another slippery slope to go down is the frustration for children who are tardy. I mean, school starts at the same time every single day. It looks like the children should get to school in time to start learning as soon as we pledge allegiance to the flag. However, children don’t drive. In my first school, many of them walked so I didn’t think that was an excuse. But I taught fifth grade and I had several students who got themselves and their younger siblings up, got them dressed, and walked them to school because their mother was still asleep on the couch. Before you cast judgment on the mother for sleeping, you may not know that she worked all night because the lights are about to be turned off. There is so much about the homes from which these children come that you don’t know and will never understand. Just own an extra dose of gratefulness for your childhood privilege but understand that everyone is not as blessed. You cannot expect all of your students to come from families with the same values as yours. If you happen to get a job in a school that resembles your experience, there will be a whole new set of challenges. Just keep your mind open for all of the home situations that impact what really happens in your classroom.
This is all so true of many of our PEC students who are struggling with much more that learning and behavioral challenges. The last sentence in the paragraph above says it all,,,,
“ Just keep your mind open for all of the home situations that impact what really happens in your classroom.”
Pamela Webster, M. Ed., SPED
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48. Go to the Birthday Party
About a dozen times a year, a student of yours will come up to you and give you an invitation to an event. Over the years I’ve been invited to birthday parties, Little League games, piano recitals, baptisms, and community plays. It was usually for a weekend when I was OFF and the last thing I wanted to do was drive over to the skating rink on a Sunday afternoon and watch children roll around on wheels, even if it did involve cake. No adult who sent the invitation or principal or coworker expects you to sacrifice your sacred time off to spend it with a child in your class. Of everything you don’t really want to do, this is the easiest thing to get out. However, the impact your presence can make at that event outside of school is monumental. Recently, a student of mine from 30 years ago posted a picture of me on social media. I was attending her piano recital. To be honest, that was an hour out of my weekend thirty years ago that I did not remember until I saw the photo. I also did not know anyone took a picture of me while I was there. I studied that image of a much skinnier, much less wrinkled teacher that used to be me and I wondered why her mom took the photo and even more, why she still had it some thirty years later. Then it occurred to me. She felt important and my presence made an impact. Now, even after I have retired, I continue to get graduation announcements, wedding invitations, and baby announcements from students who remember me when they are planning their life’s pivotal events. No, I didn’t go to every birthday party, or Little League game, or play, but every time I could; I did. And I did not realize its impact until decades later. I didn’t have to stay the whole time, I just had to be there long enough to be seen by the student to make that connection. It is with these connections that you can leverage powerful relationships that are so critical to teaching and learning.
If you have a student you are having difficulty connecting with, put this tool in your toolbox. See him outside of the classroom. It will make him feel important, valued and like someone really cares. It may make all the difference in how you two navigate the dynamics of the classroom.
Also, always take the cupcake. There will be many opportunities in your career when a child will offer you a birthday cupcake from home. I don’t care if you are on a diet. I don’t care if you don’t trust the kitchen from which it came. I don’t even care that you have an aversion to red dye #9; take the gift. You don’t have to eat it but just taking it from the child represents that his birthday is worth you celebrating. You don’t have to consume the cupcake to celebrate a child.
The individual student events that you choose to participate in outside of the classroom will mean so much to your PEC student and their family. You don’t have to go to everything that you are invited to, but please make the effort to go to as many as possible. They will not forget it, and neither will their family. Build those valuable connections.
Pamela Webster, M. Ed., SPED
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47. You Work for the Children
I have heard some teachers giving other teachers advice about how to perform when the boss walks in your classroom. If by boss, you mean principal, I guarantee she can tell it is a performance. Everything you do in the building, every interaction with children and colleagues, every task you volunteer for, and every problem you solve, every complaint you voice, speaks on your behalf. If you are speaking harshly to children in the hallway, someone notices. If you slam doors and raise your voice to control children, someone notices. I will be honest. I never felt like I worked for the principal. I always embraced the idea that I worked for the children. Therefore, my bosses were actually in my classroom all day, every day. I was always glad for the occasions that the principal visited my classroom and observed how hard I was working, but she was never the reason I got up and came to school. If I quit my job, she would have me replaced the same afternoon, but the students would be the ones who noticed I was gone.
One of the most valuable tools in my toolbox was a student interest inventory. It was a list of questions that every student answered that gave me great insight into how they feel and think. The questions started out fairly benign like _____ is the best color because…..and my favorite flavor of ice cream is _____ Sandwiched in between the simple questions were the questions that really revealed how the child viewed himself, things that worried him and what he perceived his parents thought of his academic capacity, how he handled frustration and what friends he trusted. When I collected the papers, I read them but as a class we never discussed the answers. That information was privileged and gave me insight on how to handle a particular child when he experienced frustration or had problems navigating relationships with other students.
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46. Don’t Take Work Home
Yeah, right. What teacher in the whole world doesn’t take work home? Much like a regimented schedule, this is the goal. If you pack your school bag with all of the papers that need to be graded, all of your teacher’s editions, your grade book and lesson plan book, data notebook, lamination to cut out and a long list of all the things that need to be accomplished before morning, you will fall into a pattern that monopolizes the time that you need to relax and recharge your own batteries. If you want to be able to give your students the attention they need and deserve all day, every day, you must take care of yourself first. One of the biggest ways to accomplish this is to jealously guard your before and after school time and your planning time. Often, your planning time will be sacrificed for any number of meetings you must attend, so be sure to spend your morning and afternoon time wisely. Make yourself a checklist and prioritize it. Set a timer to keep you focused on how much time you are spending giving feedback vs. planning for lessons. The reality of just how much is on your plate will hit you about the second full week of school and will typically result in overwhelm. Know that it is coming and plan ahead. Some new teachers vow to stay at school until their work is done and they find themselves being run out of the building by the custodian on a daily basis. If it is dark when you come to school and dark when you leave, something is wrong. Being the last car in the teacher parking lot is not the answer. Prioritizing and guarding your time is the answer.
It is so easy to walk in your classroom in the morning and get distracted by another teacher who wants to tell you about the events of last night. She may even bring you coffee or a bagel. Be polite and professional but don’t forget about your prioritized list because if you voluntarily give up your sacred few minutes of planning for socializing, your own emotional health and your family will ultimately pay the price.
Again, practice “Radical Self Care”. This is important for all of us, but especially teachers.
Some years ago I asked a very wise man for his advice about a particularly difficult situation I was in. He said to remember what the flight attendants say before the plane takes off and they are going over the safety instructions. They always say…”In the event of a drop in cabin pressure, put the mask on yourself first, and then assist those around you. “
If you don’t take care of yourself first, it will be difficult to support those around you.
Pamela Webster, M. Ed., SPED
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45. Recognize the Commonality of ADHD in the Classroom.
Many people who grow up to be teachers were very successful as students. They were good readers, they did their homework, they respected teachers and they liked being graded. They loved for the teacher to read to them and they were intensely focused when the teacher was giving instructions. Many were served in a program for gifted children when they were young. With that resume of success, who wouldn’t want to be a teacher? If that describes you, you will probably be caught off guard by the students in your charge who are fidgety, wiggly day dreamers. You won’t get very far into the school year before you start looking for methods to keep half your class focused on what you are trying to teach them. ADHD is very real and affects a substantial percentage of the students in schools. It is almost like torture for a child affected by ADHD to sit still and quietly AND to concentrate at a level where he can assimilate new content into his existing schema. Children need to move around. They need opportunities to interact with peers and objects. They need to do whatever it takes for them to be a successful learner. If you are teaching very young children, you are often the one collecting all of the data to diagnose the attention deficit. If you are teaching older children, they may have already been diagnosed and medicated or they may have a diagnosis and have no medication. The unfortunate reality for these children seems to be an extra dose of discipline; as if we can discipline the hyperactivity out of them. Relaying to a parent that he is moving around too much, disturbing the class and not focusing on instruction is setting yourself up to be evaluated by that parent as someone who “doesn’t like my child.” The fact that it is not true, does not stop someone from accusing you of it. The parent already knows how active her child is. She has to get him dressed every day, and find where he left his shoes. Approach it with the parent as if you already have strategies that you intend to use to give him some relief when he is feeling like moving. One of the most successful practices is the use of alternative seating. Some children can concentrate better if they can just move their feet. There are a number of products on the market that help children with ADHD to be comfortable while moving and learning. Try bouncy bands, yoga balls, floor cushions, foam pillows and sensory mats. You may need to try several before you find the one that works best for each student you are trying to help. Schools rarely purchase these things but you can often appeal to the parent of a child who is struggling to be still and they are usually glad to purchase the bouncy band or yoga ball just on the chance that it will help.
Long before I knew stretchy/ bouncy bands were available from OT catalogs, I used bungee cords from my husband’s workshop that he typically used to hold things together or tie things down. Wrapping a bungee cord (or stretchy band) tightly around the front legs of a student’s chair provides a student who” needs to move to learn” the opportunity to move/ fidget, while staying seated. It is quiet and not disruptive and can support the student to be more focused and attentive.
Exercise resistance bands can also be used on the legs of a student’s chair.
If you don’t find a successful / appropriate strategy to support the student “who needs to move to learn”, I can guarantee you that he/she will find something and it will not be what you want going on in your classroom. I’ll never forget when I was teaching Brain Gym® to the entire faculty of a new elementary school. I asked the teachers to consider the possibility of using yoga balls, cushions, pillows and rocking chairs as alternative seating for students who need to “ move to learn”. One teacher raised her hand and said,…” Do you mean that when Johnny wiggles all around and throws himself out of his seat, he’s not just trying to get on my last thin nerve?” I explained to her that in my experience, Johnny was doing his best to get his body in a place where he could possibly begin to take in the information she was teaching. He didn’t want to be rude and disruptive, but he just couldn’t sit there, in that hard desk, any longer!
When school started a few days later, she had cushions, pillows and a few yoga balls available to students as alternative seating options. I was back in the school the following week and she told me that she was amazed at the difference those options made in the students ability to focus and attend.
Another successful strategy I used was to have a basket of clip boards available that students could use to take their work and sit on the floor, on a pillow or in a bean bag chair, or at other designated areas around the classroom. Everyone is not comfortable sitting & working in a hard desk. Give children options.
A co-teacher I worked with for a few years had what I call “dinner trays” available for students to use. These are the trays that you might use to take a meal to someone who is sitting up in the bed ( a tray with legs). Students can take their trays to the carpet, and work on their assignment.
Give all of your students, especially those who need to more than others, the opportunity to do so. There are 26 different Brain Gym® integrative movements that support learners of all ages. If you are not familiar with them, call me and I will come to your class. In addition, you can teach “wall push ups’ & jumping jacks, which give great proprioceptive input for your students. This can be done as a whole class activity or you can have a designated area in the classroom where students can quietly go on their own and get a quick workout.
Take your class outside for a quick walk or run around the playground, baseball field or whatever is available. Don’t underestimate the calming effect Mother Nature can have on all of us. Get out there and breathe that fresh air!
If it’s raining, walk or skip on the sidewalks that are covered. Be creative! You’ve got this. Five to ten minutes of movement outside will benefit everyone!
Take your time when introducing these “non traditional” options to your class. Initially, everyone may want to do everything!… because it’s so different and looks like fun! ( oops… can learning really be fun?). As you model and explain the different options to your students, be very clear that if they are disruptive , they will lose the privilege, and believe me, they don’t want to do that.
Pamela Webster, M. Ed., SPED
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44. Send lots of photos
All day long, the parent is thinking about the child sitting in your classroom. She is wondering what the child is learning and how he is behaving. She is wondering if he came to school and told everyone about that unfortunate episode last night. That child may be one who jumps in the car and gives the mom a play by play of his day all the way down to what he ate for lunch, but there are equally as many who answer the question, “what did you do in school today?” with “nothing” or “work” or “had fun”. My students often described the learning as fun. Quite frankly, that insulted me. Yeah, I wanted it to be enjoyable because I understand that was the best way to engage the learner with the content but to evaluate my lesson on mummifying chicken legs, or building marble roller coasters out of plumbing insulation, or planning an Ancient World’s Fair as “fun” seemed to discredit all of the learning involved. If you have a cell phone, you have a camera. It is so easy to use technology to give parents and invested adults (grandparents) a peek inside your classroom and a note about what that activity is teaching them. Some teachers effectively use social media to share photos and brag on students for reaching milestones as well as give announcements and reminders. That is a great way to include parents but be cautious. Always invite an administrator or grade level chair to be part of that group as well. Also, set the tone for only positive things to be public. That is not the space for the parent to complain about your time slot for visiting the book fair or that someone must have stolen her child’s coat.
Animoto is a free site that is available for teachers to make slide shows. It is user friendly and you can upload the pictures and the app does the work. I always made sure that every child was featured at least once in the presentation. You can also send photos and information home by email groups. That tends to get shared (with grandparents) a good bit but those are the same ones who bid on a butter churn for you. Parents love those photos. Some days, when I was so busy I didn’t have a single second to take a photo, I would get about five emails at the end of the day asking if their child had missed class. They became dependent on those photos not only to know what was going on in class but also to have something specific to discuss with their child regarding school. When I was feeling lazy or felt like what we were working on was not that exciting, I still took photos of happy faces because parents are more concerned with their child’s happiness than the narrative writing prompt.
*Some children are not allowed to be photographed and shared. Be sure you have written permission from the parent to include their child in classroom photos to be shared with other parents.
I have already mentioned how valuable sending photos home ( on your cell phone) of students while engaged in an activity or playing with friends is for our PEC parents. This gives parents the opportunity to talk about what went on during the school day with their child. Oftentimes, our students have difficulty sharing this information after school and a photo or two can be a springboard for a great conversation at home.
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43. There is NO downtime.
Oh how I wish that this was not reality. There are days when someone calls your classroom telling you to send a form to the office immediately. There are days when someone comes by to collect the Emergency Procedure cards and you can’t find them. There are days when you need just five minutes to prepare the supplies for your next activity. Wouldn’t it be great if the children would sit quietly while you set up a cool science experiment they are going to love? Well they won’t. Expecting them to do so will only disappoint you. It is in these exact moments that children get into mischief that requires you to stop what you are doing and deal with it. It is in these moments when you are not fully engaged with them that they turn their attention to someone or something else. The havoc that can be created in the five minutes you need to set up the experiment can cause you to think that the experiment was a failure. Learn to recognize the times when students begin to misbehave. Ninety percent of the time, it is when your attention is on something other than them. If you are unable to set it up during your planning time, talk to them about what you are going to do while you are setting up. If necessary, play a School House Rock jingle while you fill out the form. Ask everyone to get out a piece of paper and write three words that define them and why. Assemble a list of time fillers for the two minutes before you line up for specials or the five minutes until your lunchtime. Those are the times when things start spinning out of control.
Be very intentional about your planning time. Don’t use that time to visit with Mrs. Jones to talk about her trip to Las Vegas. Go ahead and set up that experiment. File your papers. Answer emails. Assemble your folders. Grade the spelling tests. Enter grades into the computer. Call a parent. Plan your lessons. Go to the restroom! That time is sacred. It can easily get sucked away by other people and other interests and then you end up taking home all of the work you didn’t get done during the day. And the things you try to take care of while the children are present will end up with mischief, followed by discipline. If you want the children to read silently, you need to read silently. If you want the children to be engaged in a math activity, you need to be engaged. Every minute of every day you are modeling what you want the students to do and how you want them to behave. Don’t let your guard down.
Children, ALL children, learn more from what we do than what we say.
Be intentional. Be prepared. Be fully present…… and, practice Radical Self Care💓
Pamela Webster, M.Ed., SPED
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42. Teach children the difference between humor and hurtful words.
Children start training for comedy at a very early age. Most kids are funny and they say funny things. That is one of the greatest things about working with children. However, it is worth having a lesson early in the year because you will revisit this many times during the year. In fact, words are at the root of bullying. Often when we tell a child that something they said to another child was hurtful, they respond, “I was just kidding,” as if that absolves them of their responsibility for being kind. If what they said caused half the class to laugh, it is even more rewarding for the comedian and even more hurtful for the victim. The victim of the hurtful words often feels helpless to stop it and it is frequently how mean nicknames gain traction.
When I teach children about the power of words, they will often contribute the old proverb, “sticks and stones will break my bones but words will never hurt me.” We all grew up hearing that but it is very wrong. I teach them that “sticks and stones will break my bones but words will break my heart.” And if we are not careful, it can shatter our dreams, make us believe we are less than, and burn an image on our psyche that can’t be erased. I’ll bet if you think back to your own school days, you can recall a name somebody called you or an experience with someone that created a lasting memory of being emotionally pained. If it wasn’t, you wouldn’t still remember it.
Children are actually rewarded for being funny. They love to laugh and make everyone else laugh. The problem is that the goal is laughter and they breeze right past all of the warning signs that there will be one person who won’t genuinely find it funny. It takes lots of lessons (and apologies) to get to this point, but it is as important a part of what we are teaching as multiplication. I remind children who might laugh at the comedian that their character is being revealed by what they find funny. Cutting off the laughter from the audience will often quell the enthusiastic comedian.
If you have a particularly difficult comedian in your class, you may have to teach “ if you can’t be kind, you can at least be quiet.”
The saying that was on the wall in every one of my classrooms was …” Sticks and stones will break my bones, but words can really hurt me.” We talked about what this means over and over. Clearly I have very little tolerance for this inappropriate behavior. For many of our PEC students, name calling and other inappropriate jokes may be part of their everyday home life. You may need to incorporate role playing and other creative lessons to get the point across. You can’t change a student’s home environment, but you can be clear about what your expectations are in the classroom.
Pamela Webster, M. Ed., SPED
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41. Recognize that every skill is learned.
(organization, hygiene, manners, self control, respect, responsibility)
As a new teacher, this one was particularly hard for me. My own frame of reference came from a middle class family that valued education and taught me respect and responsibility. I don’t remember learning to take care of my hygiene, brush my teeth, wear clean clothes but obviously those lessons preceded my memory of learning new things. Children are products of the environments from which they come. When I was a young teacher, I had a child in my class who was homeless. I never met her parents or guardian. She wore the same thing daily (without the ability to wash it) and she was perpetually unclean. I brought her a dress to change into which I washed at night and I gave her soap and warm water to take into the girls’ restroom to freshen up each morning when she changed her clothes. I gave her a purse containing a toothbrush, toothpaste, powder and lotion. She was so happy to get those things. The first day I gave them to her, she went into the girl’s restroom and when she returned, she had poured the entire canister of powder on her body. I checked the purse and all of the toothpaste had been squeezed out of the tube. That was when I realized that nobody had ever taught her how to apply body products. At that time, I was frustrated because I didn’t understand. When you have a child who does something way out of the “ordinary,” employ a little more compassion and recognize that nobody had taught that to them yet. In another instance, I had a very young boy who called out for me while he was in the restroom. I entered to find him attempting to wash his hands in the urinal. At first, I was horrified but it didn’t take much for me to realize that there were no men in his home to show him how to use that foreign fixture (and I was not about to show him!)
If you have a child whose desk is a perpetual mess, chances are his home is the same way. If you have a child who can never find forms that he knows are in his book bag, he likely can’t find his shoes at home. If you have a child who disrespects adults, children, authority figures and himself, someone is modeling that behavior for him. Nobody is teaching their children disrespect, they are just modeling how they deal with frustration and anger and that is how the child learns to behave. Children like these need a little extra dose of nurturing so they can see how you handle frustration and anger, which is a natural human emotion. In every class there is a squeaky clean little girl with a helicopter hair bow, a perfect desk, and an organized binder who will probably grow up to be a teacher, but there are many more who need some help learning to organize, take responsibility for their actions, and how to exhibit self control. Teach those skills regularly.
Many of our PEC students need that extra dose of nurturing, home training and social skills training, just to name a few. As their classroom teacher, you don’t have to do this all by yourself. You have great resources in your school and your community. Look around and ask for help. Bring in community helpers. Your job is to identify the needs and recognize that your students come from a variety of backgrounds. Meet them where they are and move forward from there.
Pamela Webster, M.Ed., SPED
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